"Kill the Homo!"

[ There seems to be a diabolical demonic spirit among some
to force homosexuals into church employment.
It is because of that that this webpage - brutally vulgar as it is -
is presented to the broadminded and not intolerant Christian reader]

Incoming Homosexual: Hello. I am gay and looking for employment.
Pastor: We all are childlike, carefree-happy, yippie-skippy gay here. Johnny has come marching home, and we all feel gay. Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Don we now our gay apparel, falala falala la la la.
Incoming Homosexual (H): NO! I mean I am homo-gay. A queer. A faggot. A dike. An impenitently-mindset paederistic pervert!
Pastor (P): Well get your accursed homosexual hinder outa here! Now!!!
H: Hold it right there, Bub. The State has violated the Separation of Church and State by legally requiring you to hire me, or there's a criminal charge against you by law, and I will sue you into bankruptcy and foreclosure with a civil injunction enforced by a wickedly-activist federal judge....unless you hire me - an arrogant insolent homopervert.
P: True, the State has unconstitutionally violated The Separation of Church and State by forcing me to hire you, a shithead homopervert. Dam the state! May the governor, the legislature, and the cops f#&k themselves to hell!
H: So is that Church Council job still available?
P: Not to you, azshole. We just made a rule - effective indefinitely - that all additional members of the Vestry have to have been members for 20 years. By that time, you will have thankfully died of AIDS.
S: I hope I am not interrupting, Pastor, but one of our Board members just died.
P: ....except if a Vestry member dies.
H: So the position is now open?
P: No it is not, sheethead. We are downsizing the number on the Board. Talk to the Chairman of the Board if you have a question about that.
H: What about it, Chairman?
Chairman: Talk to the Pastor about it.
H: What about it, Pastor?
P: Talk to the Chairman about it.
H: What about it, Chairman?
Chairman: Talk to the Pastor about it.
H: So what positions are available for me, a belligerant homoqueer?
P: Toilet-seat licker, slimeface.
H: Anything else?
P: If you must, choir director and usher. And we require our choir director to direct and sing.
H: I'll try for the Choir Director position.
P: OK, sing this note 4 octaves below middle C. Now sing this note 3.7 octaves above middle C. Now sing both quickly 250 times.
H: [The homo merely sings middle C 250 times]
P: You can't sing worth a sheet. Now, direct for me.....No No - not with two hands, only one hand.....don't move your hands in a triangle...You can't even DIRECT worth a sheet!
H: How about the usher position?
P: We only pay 10 cents an hour to incoming homosexuals.
H: Are you DISCRIMINATING against me?
P: No, pisshead. But you will regret the day you ever darkened the doorstep of this church of Jesus Christ. SERIOUSLY regret it!
H: Are you threatening me?
P: Oh no, dungface. I am PROPHESYING. Predicting!. THAT is my job as a Christian pastor, moron.
H: So I am hired as an usher?
P: What do you think, you disgusting BASTARD? Yes, your obnoxious carcass is obviously hired. Hope you get sick next Sunday! Now get outa my sight before I throw up all over you, pottie-stench!

[Sunday comes, and the homo usher meets the entering congregants]

C1: Get outa my way, you filthy homosexual!
C2: Gimme my bulletin, azshole. WHAT are you WAITING for???
C3: Hey dorkhead. Move your homosexual car OUT of my PARKING spot. NOW!
C4: Dirty homosexual! You should be ASHAMED of yourself! WHY are you imposing on and harassing us Christians in God's house? DAM you to hell.
P: Attention, congregation. The g-ddammed state, legislature, and police have forced us to hire this despicable homosexual pervert against our wills - unconstitutionally violating The Separation of Church and State. Before we read - over and over - the anti-effeminate/anti-sodomite Bible verses of Leviticus 20:13, Romans 1:18-25, and I Corinthians 6:9-10 for the First Lesson, The Second Lesson, The Epistle, The Gospel, and the Sermon ..... I instruct the children to go downstairs and bring up rubber bands from the craft room to slingshot near the homosexual's head during the service. Hopefully you will sting him good from behind. The adults are encouraged to accidently spill their grape juice on the homosexual by accidently running into him whenever they can. Teens can do whatever legal things they can to his car outside in the parking lot, as they would for a wedding. The Board has been ordered to write anonymous letters of disparagement to various governmental agencies against him. I encourage everyone to stick out their tongues at him and give him their raised third finger whenever they can. Now go and do it!

[They return, and everyone sits down, including the homoqueer]

C6: Hey homofaggot. Get OUT of my pew seat. You should have known DAM well that I always sit there!
C7: Hey shithead. You are blocking my view of the pastor. Move over, idiot!
P: Bless you, my child, for accidently dropping that hymnal on the homopervert's head from the balconey! If any of you other children happens to be as accurate, bless you also. Whoever hits him again from above by questionable mistake a candy bar.

[Well, it gets worse for the homo-imbecile! MUCH worse for that church-attending homo forcing the church to employ him. You DON'T REALLY want to know how BAD it does get! But remember: it is all CHURCH POLICY and has absolutely NOTHING to do with secular civil legal statutes. It is the HOLY WILL of THE LORD. From THE HOLY BIBLE. Literally. You see, Leviticus 20:13 does speak of execution. Capital punishment. Slowly but surely. VERY surely. It is the LORD's doing, and it is marvelous in our eyes!]